To Love (part one)

“Love is an experience in which our whole being is renewed and refreshed as is that of plants by rain after drought.”

-Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

Recently the question “why are we here?” was brought up during a session. 

Sometimes things get deep around the office, and I personally enjoy these questions.

Small talk? Not really my thing, though I’ve learned how to do it beautifully most days.

If you’re wanting someone to swim in the deep with you: I love taking a dive. 

And since we only have thirty minutes per session, I thought I would share my thoughts on the matter here.  

I believe we are here to love. To spread love, revel in love, and be love. 

To love our families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and communities. To love the people who deliver our mail, take away our trash, and trim our trees. 

We are here to love on a big scale and on a small scale. We are here to love softly and we are here to love deeply. 

Sometimes we have to give (and receive) tough love. 

I don’t believe there is any interpersonal experience that can’t benefit from an extra dose of love. 

My theory on love as the basis of life started several years ago when I decided to reflect on my own life.

I have always been ambitious- I think I was born pen and paper in hand for planning. I set goals at a young age that I achieved relatively quickly in the grand scheme of life. 

When you hit big goals that relate to relationships, career, housing, and parenthood in a timely manner, it puts you in a great position to stop and take a look around. 

I heard the words echoing in my mind, “is this it?” 

I quickly realized that while the trappings of modern day success were nice, they weren’t fulfilling me the way I had hoped. 

Please don’t be confused: I am beyond grateful for the relationships and things with which I have been blessed. I know others actively pray for what I have been given, and I thank God for them every day.  

However…

When I finally crossed the finish line, when I checked off the last box, and when that dot on the horizon finally came into focus, I realized that I had missed the mark. 

Yes, material wealth can make life more colorful and enjoyable. 

Healthy relationships and safe housing are crucial to our wellbeing.

And certainly having goals is a great way to keep our minds busy, but they aren’t our purpose in life. I believe our purpose is to take a good, hard look around us and see what needs to be done. 

We must examine what it is our families, friends, neighbors, and communities need, and then do our best to fill the void. We must be the change.

Now, this isn’t performing for the sake of appeasing others and gaining approval. This isn't going through the motions to get into heaven. This isn’t giving endlessly without consideration of if we are actually able to give. This isn’t weaponizing an emotion for personal benefit. 

This is making a decision from the heart to look both within ourselves and outside ourselves in order to serve. 

Yes, once I stepped off the hedonic treadmill that society is enthralled with, I realized the only worthwhile goal is to serve. 

To serve others to the best of our ability, with what we have right now. Not tomorrow, not next year. Right now. 

Some days it will feel like we have a lot to give, others it won't.

Love in action is giving our gifts to the ones closest to us regularly. It's showing up in the present moment with whomever we find ourselves with, not letting our mind distract us with all of the other things we think we should be doing.

Listening with love, speaking with love, and moving with love is the only way to know we are serving our highest purpose (while simultaneously supporting the highest purpose of the ones we are loving.)

To me this is the only way. This is how we mind the gap. 

Of course, the patient that I was having this conversation with quickly disagreed when I pulled out my love card. Ah, a cynic. 

Surely, they reasoned, we were not put here simply to love. No, that’s too dangerous of a gamble. But that's a conversation for the next part of this series.

I know that cynism feels like the best way to protect ourselves from the pain of heartache, and most certainly it does. But the flip side of that coin is that we also never get to experience all the positive emotions that love can bring. At least not to their fullest potential. 

I believe that the amplitude to which we are able to sit with the discomfort that comes with life is the equal opposite of the amplitude to which we are able to feel peace, love, and joy.

We can't selectively feel things deeply. If we want more love in our lives, we have to be willing to give more love. To be a little more tender to the ones who are rough around the edges and more observant of where our love might be needed.

If we refuse to feel the lows, we don’t get to ride the highs. If we don't take the time to stop and see others, we risk never being fully seen ourselves.