The Waiting

“You need to place one foot in what you have mastered and understood and the other in what you are currently exploring and mastering. 

Then you have positioned yourself where the terror of existence is under control and you are secure, but where you are also alert and engaged. 

THAT is where meaning is to be found.”

-Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. 

More accurately, it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything worth sharing. 

Partially it’s due to a lack of time, and partially it’s because I’ve felt completely uninspired. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I find it hard to share my thoughts publicly if they aren’t meaningful or eloquently written.

Trust me when I tell you that it’s no small task to translate the aberrant thoughts in my head into something intelligible. 

I can’t guarantee that anything in this post will be profound or poetic, but I’ve decided to share anyway. 

I have this note in my phone that I use to store ideas for my writing. It seems that inspiration inevitably hits when I’m nowhere near my computer, so I have to do my best to capture the essence of what I’m feeling on the fly. 

Through the mess of random quotes, all caps words, and ideas for catchy headlines, I noticed a theme standing out: The Waiting. 

I seem to be in the thick of a season of waiting. 

Waiting for some doors to open and others to close. 

Waiting for forgiveness. 

Waiting for healing. 

Waiting for clarity. 

Waiting for peace.

It's a season for cultivating patience. A transition period between what was and what will be.

It’s a time for processing the input before there is tangible output, while also keeping eyes on the horizon. 

As someone who continuously strives to learn and do more, there is a certain beauty that resides in The Waiting, when I choose to see it that way. 

This time is meant for developing resilience to the trials of life, a thickening of the skin. 

It’s a time for learning how to let go of expectations and living fully in the moment. 

It requires leaning on faith, surrendering to possibility, and trusting that things always work out as they should- even when life doesn’t go exactly my way. 

Especially when life doesn’t go exactly my way. 

This season is about maturation. A time for the lessons we are being taught to ripen in our hearts and minds before we can apply them to our lives. 

This season demands inaction on our part, a sort of educated restraint. 

Inaction is not laze or indifference- it’s a choice to allow things to just be. 

It’s a choice to stop interfering in the unfolding of events and instead allow the current of life to pull us. 

This is what I struggle with most. As a rather driven person, it takes work for me to leave things alone.

I long to manipulate and control the environment around me. To force my will upon things so that they can be just as I think they should be. 

This season isn’t for the faint of heart. 

While most of us struggle to some degree or another with implementing practices of patience, faithfulness, and trust- it’s taken to a whole new level when we are forced to do it daily for an extended period of time. 

My tendency is to run away from the discomfort that can come from letting things be and simply bearing witness to them. 

I prefer to live in the fantasy of “what was” or “what could be” - both of which I realize don’t actually exist. 

This season of suspension requires grit and discipline if it’s to be fruitful. 

My daily habits have become a cornerstone for creating order in a situation that can occasionally feel chaotic.

Simple activities like walking the dogs, making the bed, and taking my vitamins have all helped create a sense of purpose in an otherwise ambiguous season. 

The Waiting requires a near impossible level of dedication. 

A dedication to truth, inner work, and growth.

It requires an almost constant conversation with oneself (I’m not crazy, you’re crazy!) and God. 

If we’re lucky, this season involves at least one wise friend or counselor who can breathe life back into us when we feel like we just can’t wait anymore. 

I’ll admit, this season can feel lonely at times. 

Watching others in a season of harvest can be discouraging, amplified by the fact that social media tends to paint a distorted picture of life. 

The question floats to the surface, “when will it be my turn to reap what I’ve sowed?”

Like a long winter in the fields, those of us in our season of Waiting look toward summer with anticipation. There’s hope for great abundance on the other side, though there’s no promise of it. 

And here’s the point: the purpose of The Waiting isn’t at all about the outcome. 

It's about honing our emotional skills and strengthening our daily habits. It’s a time to cozy into the moment, no matter how uncomfortable uncertainty may feel. 

Whatever stands at the other end of The Waiting hinges upon how we choose to show up through its duration.